It’s my birthday today!

It’s my birthday today!

 And another year has just gone by

Another year of my life

But I was 21 just yesterday

And I’m not even ready to be 22 yet!

 

Don’t even feel like a 22 year old

Or match the image I’d harboured as a kid

Of what I will be when I am….

 

But then again I was always unrealistic

I little vague in what I wanted

The image I had fuzzy at the edges

Fighting oblivion as a girl’s dreams

Met the reality life brings

 

Not all bleak and not all dark

Life’s just been quite a handful

And while I’m glad of the slips along the way

I only wish I’d learnt from them

Instead of another year- repeating mistakes

 I’d sworn never to repeat again

 

A bumpy ride

That’s what they say

Clichéd at worst, but it rings so true

The speed breaks along the way

Leading to a sunny highway

 

The warmth of love

The joy in friends

And even their crossing over the lines with apparent ease

The knowledge that enemies brought

Yesterday’s friends, today no more

 

It’s been a life

I’d never be willing to trade

But then why do I feel cheated?

The image I once created for myself

Stolen away for no-good reason

The woman I wanted to be

Rendered only a distant “reality”!

Random Update

Its just plain crazy..or maybe not. I have a corp law submission to go tomrw, I havent even started on it and I was just watching this episode of How I Met Your Mother, when Ted and Robin decide to hook up as roomies...and I am typing all this out to put on my blog!

But then, what the heck...The night's still young and its not like I have much else to do but write the essay ! :) And while at it, tell myself that no, maybe I do like corporate law. I mean I just came to realise that I all but dont like it..and while apparently that isnt an issue, may be friends reaction would help explain it- this guy was like, dont let anyone hear you say that. Like its something seditious.

Thing is corp law is where the bread is really buttered, where all the billing hours and the cushy pays and perks come in. So come what may, an innate interest in corporate law is.....well to say the least a bare minimum mandate...and if not, then surely pretentions cant do any harm. But then again, its also debatable how useful it is probably going to be in this recession.

Well, now am stuck. Even by my standards, this post is way too random...But what can I do? Nothing seems to have any "grand plan" so to speak. Have a week of holidays coming up..well not holidays actually, its fest and stuff..but am not much into bands which pee on stage which apparently is the USP of one of the bands who are performing at the fest....and stuff....so am keeping my distance.

So effectively, there's yet another brilliant opportunity for me to have hot chocolate and lament over my life..how nothing ever happens..becoz whenever anything does happen I just scoot away! And then maybe type all this non-sense for the lack of anything better to do. But as of now, gotta go, find that love for corp law......

My Life and Law School

Good music, punctuated by the occasional firecracker
It’s a pretty sight outside the windows
Life feels pretty good now
Surprising, how it’s a contrast to what I felt maybe 2 minutes back
But then that’s just me
Always undecided, even about whether my life really sucks
Joined law school thinking that’s what I wanted to do
Or maybe it was just a cool thing to do
After all who wants to follow the herd into engineering?
Spent a good three and half years there
Even shifted universities trying to find the right one
Then decided it’s time to get disillusioned
Once again I’m not sure if it’s really me who’s disillusioned
Or is that yet another “thing” to do?
To crib about…one sec I’ll get back to that
Once I decide what my initial assessment was
Which finally didn’t match up

Sat reassessing my life
My priorities when I decided to join law school
What I wanted out of life, at law school and beyond
Have I really changed so much, so much so that I don’t even remember
Why I came to law school in the first place
What I wanted both in school and beyond?
When was it that I ceased having a life beyond the bubble of law school?
When was it that in complaining I forgot what I was complaining about?
So that they really only surfaced when I had to get down to some real work
And they seemed a nice façade to hide behind and escape yet again.

But then maybe I never knew, what I wanted
It was only cool to appear to know
How could I have known what to do with my life at seventeen
When I couldn’t even decide what to wear to a party
And strange as it may sound
It’s only in trying to figure what I was complaining about
I realised I never really knew what to expect out of life, leave alone law school

Somewhere down the line
I know I like what I do in law school
Love mooting obscure points
Proving the absurd, just for the sheer kick of it
But then, maybe I’m just too law schooled
Justifying my stance because I really don’t know any better
And this seems to be a more comfortable answer any day
Than I don’t know why I’m doing law and I’m not even sure I really want to it

So that’s my life
A justification, a compromise with stereotypes
Stereotypes I’d like to believe I had “believed” in
So now, I have a cause for cribbing the reality of life, of law school
And wonder if I’ll ever really “know”……

Feel like I need to say something

Feel like I need to say something
Am not really sure what,
The words, they elude me,
My thoughts a sleepy swirl.

I stare at the screen,
It’s been a long day fighting the demons
I couldn’t really slay.
Your thoughts come back to my mind
When all I really want, is to lock them up
And never turn back.

Try to look ahead
Can’t even see beyond you
The heartbreak you left behind
The promise that was never you.

Were you a crush or were you much more?
A faint memory of what’s to be no more
A dream I dreamt without knowing why
Or were you a reality that only existed in my mind?

But you were my friend
Or was that also a myth?
So you left me
When I needed you the most.

Was it my mistake
Or was it an imagination all along?
A fantasy of a friend
Who wasn’t really one?

Try to make sense
Try to move on
But feel like asking you
Just one more time.

What went wrong?
What was it that changed?
Which made you go back
On every single thing you said?

All the times when you said you care,
And held my hand promising me you’d be there.
When you helped me dream weaving them for me
Did you ever really mean anything?

Have been meaning to ask you
For quite sometime now
Feel like I need to say something
Am not really sure why....

And I Really Should be Working

Something I’ve noticed

I always start saying I really should be working

I’m saying that yet again

The essay really needs to get done

But that’s a digression

Why is it that I only feel the urge to think

To indulge in what then seems like useless poetry

A luxury with the then limited constraint of time

Why is it that, when I really have nothing to do

This overwhelming need to produce gibberish

Never seems to strike me

 

So is it then just

Yet another way of whiling time

Another way of escaping work

Just when the deadline seems on the horizon

Is that all my muses are?

An easy distraction from the work at hand?

I know I will never agree to that

Am not so frank to ever accept that

But you know what the funny thing is

I have another submission yet again next week

When all I can think of doing

Is putting this up on my blog

When all of last week

In the lazy haze of December

The thought never so much as even crossed my mind!

 

At any rate

I have to admit

It does seem to be an effective distraction

The one time, when life seems disturbingly clear

And the falsity of it all pretentiously laid bare

When priorities suddenly clamour for attention

Demanding to time to be sorted out

Providing yet another brilliant excuse

To procrastinate and keep in abeyance

Life, waiting for the next deadline to be finally lived

I forgot my user ID

Hi,

Its a really lame way to start a blog and trust me i acknowlegde that..but its just that i already had one and forgot the user ID..so here's the link to my erstwhile blog..with barely three posts :) 

http://www.canidecideonitlater.blogspot.com/

Cheers and a very happy new year